What's goat got to do with it?

A spectre is haunting wizards - the spectre of goats.
What is the deal with mystics sacrificing goats?  I get the whole killing goat thing when there's an established tradition and all, but that doesn't give any dude calling himself a wizard the right to murder a goat to pacify the mystical forces of the unseen.  Note to wizard: your killing the goat will not make your penis larger or stop any volcanic eruptions.  You're just wasting a goat's life.

Goat blood is not the opium of mystical forces.
That's the other thing.  Why is it that wizards always automatically go to the goat?  It's crazy!  Goat have nothing to do with anything.  Wizard: the goat has nothing to do with your penis or the volcano.  The goat just wants to hang out with other goats and eat EVERYTHING.  Goats rule because of this.  Seriously, I get more angry the more I think about this.

Wizards of all countries, unite
and stop killing goats.  Stop slashing their throats, tossing them into bonfires, tossing them into volcanoes, tossing them into boiling mud (see photo) - there's no need to toss a goat in any circumstance, unless you're tossing a goat out of a burning building or some analogous situation.  Stop killing goats!  It is just ignorant and stupid.

Dreadnok Fit

Whenever I work out, I think about the Dreadnoks from GI Joe and how I used to look like a Dreadnok. A couple of years ago when I was birdwatching several times a week, I got really fit, with giant bowling-ball muscles. Me and my birding crew in NYC were serious about muscles, looking hot, and getting the most intense birds added to our life lists.  Here is a picture of us then:

And here is what the Dreadnoks look like--you can see the similarities:

That's how we birded--in your face!!!  Get Dreadnok fit!

Musle Man & Flexopolis (part II always have a training parnter)

If you're like me, you're probably experiencing that bittersweet feeling of sitting around for a hour or so, thinking about how big and awesome your muscles are - while at the same time wondering about how much radder you would be if your muscles were even bigger.  If you're serious about maxxing out on your potential, you must come to terms that you can only go so far alone.  That is why I always have a training partner to push me beyond the max.  Recently, my training partner and I have become serious.  Me and my serious training partner are getting our pump on and getting our bods to new glistening heights.  Take it to the next level!  Get a serious training partner. 

Musle Man & Flexopolis

I just opened a new gym called Musle Man & Flexopolis.  Here are some pictures of the hallway to the locker room.  Witness the perfect body parts throbbing from the walls.  All the walls in my mansion are designed this way, and it is only fitting that my gym has them too.
1. You enter the hall looking left...

2. Then you look right...

 3. Is this for real?  Are these breasts and asses coming out of the wall?

 4. Yes, they are breasts and asses...

5. Who knew a breast could look so good alone...

6. There's only one final thing I want to see before hitting the locker room.  A poster at the end of the hall to get me motivated to get my pump on...

Yes!!!  I'm ready to go.  Do you want to be a member of Musle Man & Flexopolis?